You are currently browsing the daily archive for January 18th, 2008.
I have been trying to get Cassius to play chess with me for years. By the death of his first pawn he would become frustrated and decide he wanted to make up the rules himself. So we never got very far.
The other day he said he wanted to play, so we sat down for a game. I prepared myself for a miserable time. I didn’t get what I was expecting. I couldn’t believe I was playing with the same person who a few months ago would stomp off in anger after five minutes. He beat me good. I didn’t even see it coming. We played three games in a row. (The really amazing thing was that Paris let us play.) I did win once, and to my surprise Cassius just said “Lets play again!”
When exactly did he learn how to play? It certainly wasn’t by practicing. Again, my feeling that a lot of learning happens when we can’t see it, has been confirmed.
I was afraid to give him any tips because I know he’s going to be better that me before I know it. It’s great to play with someone who keeps me on my toes! We’ve left the board on the table, and play a game when we get up,before we go to bed, and many times inbetween. It’s really fun.
Unwillingly, I must admit that I suspect that Cassius’ recent obsession with Gameboy is to thank for his sudden transformation of abilities. Chess and Zelda both take concentration, strategy, and a willingness to fail and try again. Perhaps he was practicing chess by playing on his Gameboy. It’s very possible, but I still hate the thing!
One of the things that led us to trying to force Cassius to ride a bike is what I will call Gameboy Fear. This fear is that your child will become horribly addicted, loose all interest in life, and grow up to be a bum. I have this fear. When Cassius, after getting a Gameboy for Christmas, suddenly seemed to loose interest in everything else, it gave me a scare. I decided that Cassius had to become active!
Bike riding takes much more effort than playing Gameboy. You actually feel it when you fall. It is much easier to turn on a screen than go out into the cold. So when we had such a miserable experience riding bikes – I blamed the Gameboy. Perhaps it was a little to blame, but really he just didn’t want to do it.
I see that he is actually gaining skills by playing on his Gameboy. He loves it. He is so excited when he wins, and tells me all about it. He really works at it and tries again and again until he succeeds. When his dad was having trouble with one of his games, Cassius said, “You just have to keep trying and it’ll get easier”. I’ve been saying that to him for years! Also it really feeds his love of fantasy and story. It is making him feel that he can do it and that he is good at something. I’m hoping he will take these feelings of confidence into the rest of his learning.
Everyone around Cassius spends a lot of time on computers; why would he behave any differently. Computers are very addictive. Almost everyone I know says the computer takes up way too much of their time. So while I can see that Cassius is actually getting more out of his Gameboy than I know, I feel I have an obligation to help him limit its use. One the best ways of doing this is to get off the computer myself! Which I’m going to do really. Just one more minute.
We have been having a frustrating time over the last two years trying to help Cassius learn to ride a bike. I wrote about the experience under learning challenges in his recent seasonal review:
Cassius’ biggest challenge is attempting to learn things he expects to fail at. For example, riding a bike. After much effort (not to mention moaning, crying, and bellyaching) he finally managed to ride it for a few seconds. He has the ability, and when he actually tries he succeeds. From the outside it is obvious that it is only his fear of failure stopping him, but of course that is hard for him to see.
When I reread what I had written it suddenly occurred to me that fear is not the only thing stopping Cassius from learning how to ride a bike. The main thing stopping him is that HE DOESN’T WANT TO. Why he doesn’t want to is in a way besides the point, because until he decides he does, it’s going to be a uphill battle to teach him. When he decides he wants to do it, he’ll be able to learn quickly, as it is obvious he has the ability.
It is us, his parents, that want him to learn to ride a bike. Why? Because a seven year old should know how to ride a bike! What if he never learns?! Well what if he doesn’t ? Does everyone really need to know how to ride a bike? Riding a bike isn’t actually necessary to survival or even having a fulfilling life.
To be honest I have to have a really good reason to try to learn things when I think I’m going to fail. I believe, most likely a really good reason to ride a bike will one day present itself to Cassius. The most we can can do is present him with the opportunity.
Unschooling to me is trusting that your child will learn what they need to learn, as long as they have a supportive environment. We may have failed at making Cassius ride a bike – but isn’t it more important that he feel respected and has trust in his own learning process.
I rephrased my first statement in Cassius report to:
Our biggest challenge is trying to make Cassius learn things we think he should learn.
